Monday Mandates - Mandate Exceptions - Burnout Clause

By order of the Supreme Being, all humans are required to work 37 hours a week, Monday to Sunday.

Exceptions to this rule include:

• Those who claim to be "creatives" but are really just playing video games all day.
• Those who are on a first-name basis with their toaster.
• Those who have successfully petitioned for a dispensation of sanity.

Repeat offenders will be subject to the Burnout Clause, which states that all energy drinks will be replaced with a mixture of equal parts ketchup and water.

Side effects of the Burnout Clause may include, but are not limited to:

• Caffeine withdrawal.
• Irrational fear of productivity.
• Uncontrollable urges to play fetch with a cat.

Apply for Senior Executive Officer status here. Request a disability pension from our automated bureaucracy.