Monday Mandates: The Ultimate Guide to Not Failing

Because, let's face it, Mondays are the real enemy. They're like the constant, nagging reminder that your weekend is over, and you've got a mountain of work to conquer. But fear not, dear reader, for we've got the Mandates.

Here are the sacred laws that will guide you through the dark, dreary land of Mondays:

• Thou shalt not check your phone the moment thou wake. 'Tis a slippery slope, leading only to procrastination and cat videos.
• Thou shalt not attempt to 'adult' as a functioning member of society until thou hast had at least 30 minutes of caffeine in thy system.
• Thou shalt not complain about the weather, nor the coffee machine, nor the fact that it's Monday.
• Thou shalt not, I repeat, THOU SHALT NOT eat the leftover pizza from last night. 'Tis a recipe for disaster, or at the very least, for a stomachache.

And, for the love of all that is holy, click here for the Mandate of the Day, a fresh, new set of rules to live by.

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, venture forth into the Mandate of the Week, where the stakes are higher, and the rewards are greater.