The Monday Morning Rituals of a Functioning Adult

Step 1: Overly Caffeinated

A strong cup of coffee, black as my soul, and strong enough to knock me into the depths of productivity.

Learn about the dark side of the bean

Step 2: Social Media Audit

Scroll through 5 hours of memes, trending news, and cat videos to ensure one's social standing is still intact.

Read more about scrolling for safety

Step 3: Procrastination Protocols

Prioritize the most pressing task: deciding which cat videos to watch, which memes to like, and whether or not to check email.

Learn about decision by committee