Mandate 9: Because Burnout is Optional

According to our research, 99% of employees will experience burnout symptoms if they don't follow this mandate.

Key Provisions:

• Must work 3 hours before clocking out.
• Must check work email every 5 minutes.
• Must attend at least 5 meetings per day.

Mandate 10: Because You'll Need a Raise to keep up with these requirements.

Mandate 11: Because Your Family Will Love the New You (tm)

Disclaimer: Side effects may include: exhaustion, anxiety, and spontaneous combustion. Not responsible for damages.