Section 1: Mandatory Attire
Due to the alarming lack of enthusiasm in the workplace, we have deemed it necessary to introduce a new dress code. All employees are required to don the official Blanket Fortress uniform, available for purchase at the local supply depot. Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to:
- Being forced to watch an endless loop of PowerPoint presentations
- Being subjected to an impromptu meeting with our CEO, who will proceed to tell you the intricacies of the copier paper jam of 2007
- Being forced to eat an entire jar of wasabi in under 5 minutes