ROCK THE CASUAL, CHILL MODE ESSENTIALS

Monday Mandates

Welcome to Monday Mandates, the only place where the weekend's existential dread is replaced with a healthy dose of caffeine-fueled apathy.

Today's Mandate

Today, you are mandated to:

• Drink 3+ cups of coffee before noon
• Watch cat videos for 30 minutes
• Make a to-do list, then immediately delete it
• Repeat the phrase "I'm not a morning person" 5 times in front of the mirror
• Take a 10-minute power nap
• Order pizza for dinner, even though it's not really dinner time yet
• Use 17 exclamation points in a single sentence
• Read the entire script of your favorite TV show from 10 years ago
• Write a strongly-worded letter to your boss demanding more breaks
• Make a "to-do" list for the weekend, just in case
• Take a 10-minute break to scroll through social media
• Practice your "I'm a functioning adult" face in the mirror
• Play a game of "spot the typo" on your favorite memes
• Make a list of 17 reasons why you love Mondays
• Take a photo with a "Monday's are the new Fridays" sign to send to your friends
• Write a 5,000-word essay on the meaning of life
• Take a 10-minute power nap
• Practice your "I'm not a robot" dance moves
• Make a list of all the reasons why your boss is secretly a robot
• Watch a 3-hour marathon of cat videos
• Make a to-do list for Tuesday (just kidding, it's not like it matters)
• Take a 5-minute break to eat a whole pizza by yourself
• Practice your "Monday morning" voice in the mirror
• Write a strongly-worded letter to your therapist demanding more sessions
• Make a list of all the things you're going to do on Wednesday
• Take a 10-minute power nap
• Practice your "I'm a functioning adult" face in the mirror
• Make a list of all the reasons why your cat is secretly plotting against you
• Watch a 2-hour marathon of your favorite TV show
• Make a to-do list for Thursday (just kidding, it's not like it matters)
• Take a 5-minute break to eat a whole pizza by yourself
• Practice your "Thursday thoughts" in the mirror
• Make a list of all the things you're going to do on Friday
• Take a 10-minute power nap
• Practice your "Friday feeling" in the mirror

Submandates

Submandate 42: Drink coffee until you're 42 | Submandate 43: Practice your "I'm a functioning adult" face in the mirror for 43 minutes | Submandate 44: Watch cat videos until you've watched 44 cat videos