Monday Mandates Phase 2: The Return of the Mandate

Welcome, citizens, to Phase 2 of the Monday Mandates! In this new era, the mandates will be more stringent, more tyrannical, and more utterly confusing.

Mandatory Monday Morning Coffee

Every Monday morning, you will be required to consume exactly 17 ounces of coffee within 30 minutes of waking up. Failure to comply will result in severe consequences, including but not limited to:

Loss of 3 hours of productivity
Uncontrollable caffeine jitters
Unsustainable debt to your local coffee shop

View Mandate of the Month

Mandatory Monday Morning Exercise

Every Monday morning, you will be required to engage in at least 30 minutes of intense physical activity, including but not limited to:

Jumping jacks
Tightening of the muscles
Running away from the impending doom of the week ahead

Back to Phase 1 Mandates

Mandatory Monday Morning Mindfulness

Every Monday morning, you will be required to spend exactly 15 minutes meditating, focusing on the present moment, and contemplating the meaninglessness of existence.

View Mandate of the Moment

Remember, citizens, compliance is not optional. Failure to comply will result in severe penalties, including but not limited to: Unlimited bureaucratic emails

View Mandate 3