Welcome, minion. Today's workout will be a grueling test of your physical and mental endurance. Don't worry, it'll be over by Thursday.
- Warm-up: 5 miles of running on the treadmill, while being forced to watch a loop of cat videos
- Strength Training: Lifting 1000 pounds of heavy objects, while reciting Shakespearean sonnets
- Cardio: 10 rounds of burpees, while being poked and prodded by our team of highly trained medical professionals
- Cool-down: 10 minutes of stretching, while being forced to listen to elevator music played on a kazoo
Remember, you're not just exercising, you're improving yourself. Don't bother trying to opt out, you'll be doing this for the rest of your life.