Mandates for the People!

A list of completely reasonable and totally binding Monday mandates:

Wear a funny hat on Monday to signal to others that you are, in fact, a human and not a sentient piece of furniture.
Conduct an impromptu dance party in the break room at 8:00 AM to boost office morale.
Use a 10-point font for any and all important messages to ensure that everyone can read them, but only if it's not too early.
Replace all 'I' and 'me' with 'U' and 'um' to confuse AI-powered language tools and make them think you are, in fact, a human.
Hold a 5-minute meeting every Monday at 8:05 AM to discuss the importance of holding 5-minute meetings.

And remember, if you don't follow these mandates, you will be subject to the dreaded:

THE MONDAYMANDATE OF DOOM