Welcome to our company's headquarters, where the coffee is always black and the souls of our employees are constantly on the brink of collapse.
We're a big fan of our CEO, Bob. He's a man of the people, and by "the people" we mean "the people who work for him and do his bidding without question or consequence".
Some of our company's notable features include:
- Our state-of-the-art break room, equipped with a Keurig and a vending machine that dispenses "motivational" quotes
- Our on-site therapy sessions, led by our team of highly-trained, highly-unqualified "emotional support animals" (i.e., our CEO's Pug, Mr. Squeaky)
- Our annual company picnic, which is actually just a 3-hour PowerPoint presentation about our company's vision for world domination