MONDAY MORNING ROUTINE
Wake up. Get out of bed. Repeat the following sequence 5 times:
- Coffee. Black. No sugar.
- Check the weather. Check the email. Check the news.
- Scroll through social media for 30 minutes.
- Make a to-do list for the entire week.
- Stare blankly at your phone until your brain starts working.
- Repeat the following mantras: "Today is going to be great." "I am not a morning person."
- Finally, put on your best "I'm a functioning member of society" face.
Optional: Eat a bagel. Optional: shower. Optional: wear pants.
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