Article 1, Section 1: "There is only one true answer, and if you don't like it, you're wrong.
Article 1, Section 2: "Diversions and distractions are the enemy of progress, except for cat videos, those are okay."
Article 2, Section 1: "If at first you don't agree with us, you're wrong."
Article 2, Section 2: "We're not wrong, we're just passionately convinced."
Article 3, Section 1: "Our opinions are fact, and anyone who disagrees is just a heretic."
Article 3, Section 2: "If you can't see it our way, you're blind, literally."