Neighbourhood Watch Weekly 4-2-23

Vol 1, Issue 23

Published bi-weekly, because who needs a social life?

Mr. Jenkins: 5 reported burglaries and a suspiciously good tan.
Ms. Smith: 3 break-ins, 2 cat 5's, and a questionable mustache.
John "The Ghost" Doe: 2 silent but effective break-ins, and a reputation for being 'unseen'.

Meetings: Still happening in the community centre, despite our best efforts to avoid them.
Training: We're still teaching people how to not get caught.
Complaints: See below.

Stay safe, Neighbours!

Subscribe to our weekly newsletter and stay up to date on all the drama in the neighbourhood!

Or, you know, don't. We won't judge you.

/neighbourhood-watch/weekly/4-2-23/complaints/1 Mrs. Jones vs. The Noisy Kids

Complaint Number: 12345

Issue: The kids next door have been making too much noise. Again.

Resolution: We've sent a strongly-worded letter, and a sternly-worded warning to the parents. They're supposed to do something about it.

We'll be keeping an eye on it.

Complaint Number: 12346

Issue: Mr. Smith has been using his lawn mower at the crack of dawn, and it's really loud, man.

Resolution: We've asked him to use earplugs. He's supposed to do that.

We're still keeping an eye on it. Because, you know, it's still really loud.