Weekly Rant: Electric Lawnmowers - The Satanic Antithesis of All That is Good and Holy

By now, it's no secret that electric lawn mowers are the scourge of suburban life. A plague upon our otherwise peaceful existence.

The incessant roar of their engines, the putrid smell of their gasoline, the constant threat of lawn-astrophe - is it any wonder that we've turned against them?

And yet, we still use them. We still succumb to their allure of convenience and efficiency, sacrificing our souls for the sake of a tidy lawn.

Read the full manifesto

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