We're currently experiencing an abnormal level of weirdness. Please, do not attempt to adjust your television settings to compensate for the fuzziness of reality.
Quantum Fluctuations Paradoxical Soup Interdimensional Portal-5.2 (Abnormality Level)
100.3 (Paradox Units)
-3.1 (Reality Distortion)
Expect an increase in spontaneous combustion events and a high probability of irrational decisions. Please, do not attempt to adjust your expectations.
Next update:
We're prophets of doom, but not really. Or are we?