Survival Water: Because You're Probably Not Going to Make it Out of the Bunker
Welcome, survivors! Today we're making Pan Cakes of Doom, the only thing standing between you and a slow, painful death in the desert. It's a recipe that's been perfected by our in-house chef, a gruff but lovable caveman.
Ingredients:
1 cup of dust
1/2 cup of desperation
1/4 cup of hopelessness
1/4 cup of regret
1/2 teaspoon of despair
1 tablespoon of desperation-fueled rage
2 tablespoons of sand
1 pinch of salt (just kidding, we don't have any)
Instructions:
Mix the dust with desperation and hopelessness until it forms a thick, grey paste.
Add the pinch of regret and mix until it forms a thick, grey paste with a hint of sadness.
Slowly pour in the sand while whispering "what were we thinking?" into the void.