Prophecies

Welcome, seers and soothsayers, to the Neon Bunker Shop's Prophecy Department!

Our prophecies are not just predictions, but carefully crafted sales pitches for the apocalypse.

• Coming Apocalypse
• Ongoing Apocalypse
• Going Nowhere Apocalypse

Coming Apocalypse

Our expert team of prophets has foreseen the coming apocalypse, and we're selling the last remaining stock of doomsday survival kits.

Buy now and receive a complimentary bottle of "I Told You So" cologne!

Ongoing Apocalypse

Our experts have declared the apocalypse a permanent state of being. Don't worry, we're offering a special discount on our "business as usual" survival kits.

• Office Supply Apocalypse Edition
• Pantry Survival Kit for the End Times

Going Nowhere Apocalypse

Our prophecies have foreseen that the apocalypse will be cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances. But don't worry, we're offering a full refund on all purchases!

Or, you know, you can just keep the stuff. We won't judge you.