The End is Near!
It's not just a saying, it's a lifestyle. We're talking apocalypse, folks. The kind of end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it that'll make you question the very fabric of reality. Don't worry, we've got the essentials: canned goods, duct tape, and an impressive collection of dad jokes.
But wait, there's more! Our prophecies come with a 100% money-back guarantee. If the end doesn't come when we predict, we'll give you your money back... or at least, we'll pretend to.