Breaking news: The sky is not actually falling, but our editor is.
Stay tuned for more completely made-up updates from the world of Non-Factual Faux-journalism.
Follow us on Non-Real Bookmarks for the most up-to-date non-news!
Or, if you're feeling particularly uninformed, try our Non-Actualities section for the most out-of-touch reporting in the business!
Local man still hasn't done laundry in 3 days.