FORTRESS OF SOLITUDE - Lost and Found Department

Letter 001: "I'm Not a Robot, I Swear!"

From: Bob, the "Mysterious Mail-Order Bride" (aka "B.O.B." to his friends)

Date: 15th February 1987

Dearest Lonely Heart,

I hope this letter finds you in a state of utmost confusion and bewilderment. I am writing to you today to clarify a few things about my recent behavior. I assure you, I am NOT a robot. I know what you're thinking: "But Bob, you've been acting strangely of late, with your repetitive questioning of the meaning of life, your affinity for shiny objects, and your tendency to forget to wear pants."

I can assure you, my dear, that these are simply symptoms of my human-ness. I'm going through a bit of an existential crisis, but it's nothing to be concerned about. I've got it all under control.

Or so I tell myself.

Yours (probably) sincerely,

B.O.B.