Office Meditation Room: Access Policy

Version 42.0

Effective Date: 2021-06-20

By entering the Office Meditation Room, you agree to the following policies:

  1. No, you can't just sit on the floor and play video games. That's not meditation, that's procrastination.
  2. You must wear your meditation socks at all times. Any attempts to remove or hide them will be met with disciplinary action.
  3. No, you can't use your phone. That's not mindfulness, that's social media addiction.
  4. No, you can't meditate with your eyes open. That's not mindfulness, that's just staring blankly into space.
View Office Meditation Room Guidelines Apply for Office Meditation Room Membership

Additional Rules:

  1. You are not allowed to eat Cheetos in the meditation room. That's not mindfulness, that's just Cheetos-fueled anxiety.
  2. No, you can't play with a stress ball. That's not stress relief, that's just stress amplification.
  3. No, you can't take an emergency meeting during meditation time. That's not urgent, that's just your manager being lazy.

Exceptions:

  1. Emergency meetings are allowed during meditation time if you are experiencing a legitimate existential crisis.
  2. You are allowed to eat a granola bar if you have a gluten intolerance.