Here, the Oracle of the Ancients has foreseen the most profound and utterly absurd predictions for the coming year.
Read on for more prophecies of doom and despair.
• The Year of the Inflated Food Budget: Prices will skyrocket, and the only thing more valuable than a gallon of milk will be the tears of the poor.
• Technological Singularity or Totalitarian Regime: It's a 50/50 chance, folks. Maybe.
• The Great Romance of the Robot Uprising: Love will be the last thing on our minds as our mechanical overlords enslave us all.