Standard Drilling Techniques for the Modern Oscillating Compass User

Table of Contents

Warning: Do not attempt these techniques without proper training. Side effects may include but are not limited to: loss of limbs, severe whiplash, existential dread.

A picture of a person drilling into their eyeball with an oscilating compass

Chapter 1: Compass Calcium Extraction

Step 1: Locate the Calcium Deposits

  1. Use your trusty oscilating compass to pinpoint the exact location of the calcium deposits within your eyeball
  2. Insert drill bit, taking care not to damage the surrounding tissue
  3. Extract the calcium, taking note of any unusual side effects, such as temporary blindness or spontaneous combustion
Safety Concerns