At Our Company, we believe in a few core values that are totally not core.
1. We value Being On Time, but only because it's a great excuse for being late.
2. We value Working Harder than the rest, even though our employees are secretly all on the verge of a midlife crisis.
3. We value Being Early for meetings, especially the ones that start at 8am on a Tuesday.
4. We value Being Right, but only when it's convenient.
And, of course, 5. We value Making Money above all else, especially on Fridays.
Our CEO has a Ph.D. in making money. He's a real doctor.
Our employees have varying degrees of success in making money, but mostly just degrees of success in making excuses for not making money.
Don't get us wrong, though - we're not all bad. We're just... differently motivated.
Visit our FAQ for more information on our values, and also for our actual values, which are probably the same as everyone else's.
Or, you know, don't. We're not really sure we care.
Our values are subject to change without notice. Or at all. Ever.
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