Our Risk Assessment: A Guide for the Incredibly Inept

Warning: The information on this page is highly speculative and not actually based on facts.

Low Risk (Don't Worry!)

• Our chair is on fire, but it's probably fine.

Moderate Risk (You're Probably Okay...)

• Our dog has run away with our keys, but they'll probably turn up eventually.
• Our socks have disappeared again, but we're sure they're just hiding under the couch.

High Risk (Oh No!)

• Our fridge is out of food, and the neighbors have been warned.
• Our internet is down, and the world as we know it has come to an end.

Remember, risk assessment is subjective and only you can determine what's really a threat to your sanity.

Visit our FAQ for more information on how to deal with the existential dread of it all.