Our Services

At Our Company, we offer a range of services that will make you question every life choice that led you here.

Our Bare Minimum Support package includes:

• Responding to your emails, but only after a week or so.
• Providing answers that are 80% correct, 20% confusing.
• Charging you an extra $5 for every "uh-huh" and "I'm not sure."

Or, if you're feeling fancy, try our Underwhelming Support Plus package, which adds:

• Responding to your calls, but only if you call us exactly 3 times.
• Providing answers that are 90% correct, 10% confusing, and 100% unhelpful.
• Charging you $10 for every "I'll look into it" and $20 for every "it's not my department."

Or, if you're feeling really, really underwhelmed, you can try our Overwhelmingly Underwhelming Support package, which includes:

• Not responding at all.
• Leaving you to fend for yourself.
• Charging you $50 for our "I'm not even going to bother" premium service.