Section 1: The Unreadable Fine Print

By clicking "I agree" on this page, you acknowledge that you've read and understood the following:

That our lawyers have written this in a font size of 6pt and you're too old for that.

• That the coffee we serve is not, in fact, made of coffee, but rather a special blend of disappointment and sadness.
• That the Wi-Fi is not, in fact, free, but rather a premium service that will cost you your soul and possibly your firstborn child.

By agreeing to these terms, you also grant us permission to:

• To use your personal data for marketing purposes, including but not limited to, selling it to our partners and using it as a coaster for our fancy cocktail party.
• To change your name to "Peanut Butter" without your consent, as this name is clearly more fun and less confusing than your current name.