Parachute Panic Rooms
Monthly Subscription Box of Desperation
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This month, you'll receive:
- A complimentary can of spray tan to help you blend in with the surroundings
- A 100% survival guarantee: we're pretty sure you'll make it out alive (maybe)
- A personalized panic room survival guide with tips from our expert team of highly trained, yet completely untested, professionals
- A free 1-month subscription to our premium panic room streaming service, featuring 24/7 coverage of cat videos
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Choose from one of our three plans:
- Basic: $19.99/month (includes a can of spray tan and a free cat video)
- Deluxe: $29.99/month (includes everything in the basic plan, plus a free pair of parachute pants)
- Ultimate: $49.99/month (includes everything in the deluxe plan, plus a free personal panic room concierge)