THE COOKIE THEORISTS' GUIDE TO PARANOID PENALTIES

Warning: cookies are a slippery slope. You've probably eaten one too many and it's now a slippery slope of paranoid thinking.

According to our research, the average cookie consumer experiences a 4.2% increase in paranoid thoughts after consuming 7-10 cookies in a 3 hour window. But don't worry, it's not all doom and gloom! We have solutions.

Check out our cookie theory FAQ here for more information.

Case Study: "The Great Cookie Conspiracy"

In 2018, a group of cookies, known as "The Crumbly Truth", were found to have infiltrated major cities worldwide, manipulating the population through a network of subliminal messages baked into their crusts.

Learn more about this dastardly plot here.

Disclaimer: Cookies are not actually controlling your mind, probably. Maybe. Possibly. We're still researching.