Welcome to the Paranoid Penalties Privacy Agreement

By accessing this website, you are agreeing to our terms of service.

Our terms of service are as follows:

Section 1: We're watching you

Section 2: Your data is our data

Section 3: You're on the list

Section 4: We have the right to read your mail

By clicking "I Agree", you acknowledge that you have read and understand our terms of service. If you don't, just don't.

Section 1: We're watching you

We reserve the right to monitor your every move, 24/7.

We have cameras in the ceiling, walls, and floor. Don't even think about it.

Our AI-powered surveillance system will flag any suspicious activity, including:

Blinking at a wall

Whistling in the hallways

Don't worry, we'll just use this info to optimize your shopping experience.

Section 2: Your data is our data

We collect all your personal info, including but not limited to:

Your phone number

Your email address

Your browser cookies

We'll use this info to send you personalized ads and targeted content.

Section 3: You're on the list

We have a list, and you're on it.

Our list includes:

People who visited our website

People who submitted their cookies

We'll use this info to optimize your shopping experience.

Section 4: We have the right to read your mail

We reserve the right to open, read, and respond to any mail you send us.

This includes, but not limited to:

Emails to our website

Email attachments

We'll use this info to respond to your queries and offer you personalized content.