Advanced Sabotage Techniques for the Paranoid

Welcome, fellow paranoid individuals, to our comprehensive guide on how to take your sabotage skills to the next level. Whether you're looking to disable your coworker's chair, ruin your sibling's birthday surprise, or just generally make your life harder for others, we've got you covered.

Phase 1: Reconnaissance

Before you begin any sabotage mission, it's essential to gather intel. This phase is all about gathering information about your target, whether it's a pesky family member, an annoying neighbor, or a coworker who just won't turn off their music on their phone.

Phase 2: Preparation

Now that you have your target in your sights, it's time to prepare for the main event. In this phase, you'll learn how to gather materials, set up your sabotage equipment, and rehearse your attack plan.

Phase 3: Execution

This is it – the moment of truth. With your plan in place and your gear at the ready, it's time to put your sabotage skills to the test. But don't say we didn't warn you...

Phase 4: Contingency Planning

Even the most expert saboteur knows that things don't always go according to plan. That's why it's essential to have a backup plan, or several. In this phase, you'll learn how to anticipate potential problems and have a plan B, C, D, and E at the ready.

Remember, sabotage is an art form. Practice makes perfect, so don't get discouraged if things don't go as smoothly as you'd hoped. And if you're really struggling, just tell yourself, "Hey, at least I'm not as bad as my neighbor who still can't figure out how to use a toaster."