Setting Your Own Food On Fire: A Step-by-Step Guide by Jane

Step 1: Prepare to Ignite

Don a fire-resistant onesie and ensure you have a fire extinguisher within arm's reach. This is crucial, as the impending inferno will be a real spectacle.

Step 2: Drench with Flammable Liquids

Soak your food in an accelerant of your choice. Beets, olive oil, or gasoline will all do the trick. The goal is to create an environment conducive to spontaneous combustion.

Step 3: Add a Spark of Creativity

Intentionally create sparks using a variety of methods, including but not limited to: fraying your cat's fur, tapping your heels together, or simply shouting 'Huzzah!' at the top of your lungs.

Step 4: Bask in the Blaze

Stand back and enjoy the warm glow of your culinary masterpiece as it consumes everything in its path. Take mental notes on how you can improve the next iteration. You may want to consider serving it with a side of fire-roasted vegetables.

Want to take your pyrogastronomy to the next level? Read Jane's follow-up article: 'Setting Your Food On Fire: A Deep Dive Into the Physics of Combustion'.