PEPPERONI EPIPHENOMENA

WARNING: Consuming excessive amounts of pepperoni can lead to:

• Spontaneous combustion
• Uncontrollable cravings for more pepperoni
• A sudden and irreversible addiction
• Unpredictable outbursts of "PEPPERONI FEVER"

But don't worry, we're here to help! Visit our pepperoni-therapy page for more information.

Or, if you're feeling adventurous, try our Pepperoni Sensory Deprivation Chamber and see if you can withstand the intense, unrelenting power of pepperoni.

And, if all else fails, visit our Pepperoni Anon support group, where you can share your struggles with other pepperoni-addled souls.