Phantom Pains: A Non-Existent Condition
Causes:
Eating an entire pizza by yourself in a single sitting.
Wearing socks that don't match.
Misremembering the lyrics to 'Who Let the Dogs Out?'.
Symptoms:
Unexplained feelings of guilt.
Uncontrollable urges to re-watch 'The Great British Baking Show'.
Spontaneous combustion of your couch cushions.
Random, unexplained appearances of a mustache on your face in public.
Diagnosis:
We're not really sure, but our lawyers say it's not our fault.
What to do:
Just pretend you're a normal person and try not to think about it too much.