Saturday Morning Asthma Attack Forecast for Aries

You will today experience an asthma attack of unprecedented ferocity, forcing you to inhale through a hair dryer on your living room floor. It will be a close call, but your fiery Aries spirit will persevere.

As you gasp for air, you'll be reminded of the time you accidentally super-sped through a crowded market in Rome, leaving a trail of bewildered locals in your wake. Don't worry; this too will pass.

Take a break, you're burning out.

Plan your weekend asthma party.