Weekly Horoscope: Capricorn

Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)

This Week:

Your coffee machine will finally stop spewing forth its wrath upon you, but only after you've already spilled its contents all over your new suit.

Expect unexpected visits from distant relatives you never knew you had, all clamoring for free food and a place to stay.

Don't bother checking the lottery, as the numbers are clearly rigged against you (as they always are).

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