According to our team of expert, totally-not-paid-for-by-the- government-astrologers, here's your subtext horoscope for this week:
Capricorns, you'll be experiencing a 3-day power nap cycle, where you'll feel an overwhelming desire to take a 3-day weekend every Monday.
Your love life will be filled with awkward small talk, but don't worry, it's just a phase. Phase 1: Staring at each other for 5 minutes before one of you breaks the silence. Phase 2: Staring at your phones for 10 minutes before one of you breaks the silence. Phase 3: Giving up on human interaction altogether and playing video games.
Your career prospects are looking bright, but only if you're willing to sacrifice your social skills to become a professional introvert.
Capricorns, you've got this! Or, at the very least, you've got a strong sense of existential dread. Read next week's horoscope for more thrilling subtext.