Are you tired of simply doing nothing? Tired of the tedium and drudgery of simply existing? Do you want to truly master the art of procrastination?
Look no further! The Simulation Nap technique is the pinnacle of doing nothing. It's like a video game, but without the video or the game. Just you, in a state of suspended animation, waiting for the perfect moment to strike back into existence.
1. Find a comfortable position, preferably on a couch or a recliner. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT attempt this on a bean bag chair or a hammock. Those are for the amateur.
2. Close your eyes, or at least pretend to. It's all about the psychological component.
3. Imagine yourself in a virtual world, where the only thing you need to do is exist.
4. Set your internal timer for precisely 37.5 minutes. Any longer than that, and you risk entering a state of actual productivity.
5. When the timer goes off, slowly open one eye, then both. Stare at the clock for a few seconds, then close your eyes again.
For the truly advanced practitioner, try these optional steps:
1. Practice your "Simulation Nap" while simultaneously listening to elevator music. The soothing sounds of Muzak will help you achieve a deeper state of suspended animation.
2. Use a weighted blanket to enhance your sensory deprivation experience.
3. Try "Simulation Nap" while dreaming. This will allow you to tap into the collective unconscious and achieve a truly transcendent state of nothingness.
Learn about the Technique of Pretending for even more advanced techniques.
Discover the Simulation Nap with Optional Caffeine for a more stimulating experience.
Explore the Simulation Nap with Optional Nature Documentaries for a more educational experience.