Procrastination Looping - Step 1: The Ultimate Distraction Technique
In this step, you'll learn how to create an infinite loop of distractions, ensuring you'll never get anything done.
Step 1: Create a list of tasks you'll never finish
Write down 5-7 tasks that you can easily put off for later, like:
- Check the weather on your phone
- Watch cat videos on YouTube
- Learn to juggle (just for fun, because who needs juggling, really?)
- Call your mom (again)
- Play video games for 10 minutes
- Learn to make origami (who needs a social life, anyway?)
- Check your social media (because someone's probably posting something important)
Now, stare at this list for a solid 20-30 minutes, feeling a sense of accomplishment and guilt in equal measure. Repeat as needed.
Substep 1: Add a dash of existential dread
For an extra boost, add a pinch of existential dread to your procrastination loop. Ask yourself:
- Is the point of any of these tasks even worth it?
- Am I really just wasting my time on cat videos and juggling?
- Will I ever find purpose in this meaningless world?