Buy Me Anything Premium Package

Get the best, the greatest, the most fantastic package of anything you could ever possibly want! For just $100,000, we'll give you:

• Unlimited free hugs
• Personalized, hand-delivered pizza parties for up to 10 of your closest friends
• Private, one-on-one sessions with our team of expert, highly-trained professionals in the field of doing nothing in particular
• Exclusive access to our members-only, invite-only, totally-not-a-clique social club
• A complimentary, hand-written letter of recommendation, complete with fake achievements and qualifications

But wait, there's more! For an additional $50,000, you'll get:

• A personalized, one-of-a-kind, totally-not-a-scheme Ponzi scheme
• Free tickets to the hottest, most exclusive club in town (not actually free, but we'll give you a coupon)
• A complimentary, expert-led workshop on the art of doing absolutely nothing
• A free, personalized, totally-not-made-of-actual-velvet cape

Don't wait! Order now and get ready to live the life of luxury and excess you've always dreamed of! Frequently Asked Questions