We set out to establish the first interplanetary colony, but somehow, the phrasebook didn't quite translate.
We were supposed to say "Welcome, Earthlings!" but all we got was "Take our snacks, humans!"
It's been 3 years, 2 months, and 14 days since we last received a coherent message from Mission Control.
Our team has been reduced to eating only Tang and reciting Shakespearean sonnets for sustenance.
Will anyone please, for the love of all things sane, send more snacks?
Or perhaps a dictionary?
Or, you know, a functioning communication system?
Sonnet 45: A Despairing Lament