Office Survival Tips from a Prophet of Uncertainty

Warning: The following tips are subject to change at any moment, as predicted.

1. On Tuesdays, avoid the coffee machine. It's possessed.

2. Learn the secret handshake for the supply closet. Trust us, it's a real time-saver.

3. When in doubt, use ALL CAPS. It's a proven method for deflecting blame.

4. Infiltrate the break room with a well-timed "Who's been eating all the donuts?"

5. Learn to defend yourself against psychic attacks from coworkers who insist on telling you about their fantasy football teams.

For more tips, visit our Advanced Prophetics Page, where the stakes are higher and so are our chances of being right!