We have consulted with the wisest sages, the most esteemed experts, and the most reliable crystal balls, and we can confidently predict that Socks Will Never Be Stolen Again.
We have developed a sophisticated simulation model that takes into account the following variables:
With our superior simulation model, we can confidently assure you that the likelihood of your favorite socks going missing is now virtually nil. You can finally rest easy knowing that your precious socks are safe.