YOUR HOUSE IS INDEED A SINKING SHIP

According to totally-not-made-up experts, your house has been experiencing a slow but steady descent into the great abyss. Don't panic! It's just the usual 2% inflation, 3% interest rate hike, and 4th consecutive rainy weekend.

We recommend stocking up on non-perishable goods, practicing your emergency preparedness drills, and investing in a good insurance policy. Or, you know, just sell your house while you still can.

Want to know the latest on your sinking ship? Click here for updates on the latest sea-level changes.

Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, click here to learn how to turn your backyard into a makeshift pool and become the talk of the neighborhood.

And if all else fails, you can always try your hand at Survival 101 – because, let's be real, that's probably where you'll end up.