The neighbor is worse than you think. They're not just a mere mortal being, they're a force to be reckoned with. A vortex of annoyance and despair that sucks the very soul out of you. Their lawn is a minefield of broken dreams and crushed hopes. Their music is a cacophony of wailing sirens and off-key renditions of 80s pop hits. Their dog is a furry little dictator that demands worship and treats you like a personal servant.
But fear not, dear reader, for there is hope. You can rise above the fray and find peace in the midst of the suburban madness. Or, you can just lock yourself in your basement and pretend you're not there. We'll discuss the latter option in more detail later.
Continue to Chapter 1, Section 1-3: The Joys of Mowing My Lawn
It's like they're trying to suck the very life out of you with their perfectly manicured grass. A trap of green and brown and beige, all conspiring against you. The sound of their lawn mower is like a siren's call, beckoning you to come and get sucked into their vortex of suburban despair.