Dear valued citizen, we regret to inform you that the apocalypse is imminent. Please find enclosed a series of crucial advisements to help you navigate this trying time:
1. Stock up on canned goods, because they're about to get very, very popular.
2. Learn basic first aid, including CPR and how to treat a zombie's bite. (Hint: it's like a normal bite, but with more running.)
3. Invest in a good pair of hiking boots, because you'll be doing a lot of running.
For assistance with the apocalypse, please contact: