Today's reading:
As per your request, I shall interpret the stars for thee.
You are a Taurus, born under the sign of the stubborn bull.
Your love life will be complicated, but your finances will be stable.
Do not worry, the stars are always right.
Now, if you will be so kind as to donate a few dollars to the Astrology of the Future Foundation, I shall grant you further insight into the mysteries of the universe.