“I once knew a man who knew a man who said, ‘The best way to get a chicken to lay an egg is to put it in a fridge and let it sit for 30 minutes.’ I asked him, ‘How did you know that was going to work?’ He replied, ‘I tried it myself!’

I'm a big fan of taking a break in the middle of the night and eating an entire pizza by myself. I mean, who needs human interaction when you have cheese?