Welcome, seekers of wisdom and seekers of fortune! Granny Granola, the world-renowned Oracle of the Golden Cookie, is here to share her prophecies with you. But be warned: her cookies are not for the faint of heart!
Here are today's fortunes, freshly baked and delivered straight from Granny's oven:
A stranger in the night will bring you a free sandwich
Your love life is about to get a lot more interesting (in ways you won't like)
Your cat will learn how to make a perfect omelette, but not for you
The world's supply of socks will soon be replenished
The apocalypse will not happen, but the apocalypse's cousin might show up for dinner