Welcome, mortal, to the Oracle's Chamber of Unreliable Predictions! I, Uncle Prophet, shall gaze into the swirling vortex of the cosmos and reveal to you the secrets of the ages. But first, a warning: do not rely on these forecasts, lest you wish to be forever changed.
Today's forecasts include:
And, as a special bonus, a Mystery Meat Puffs forecast, guaranteed to make your head spin!